Spot On

I didn’t write it, but for a change I completely agree with Ek.

(See HockeyBuzz.com 2/1/07)

“So today I posted in the Hockeybuzz Wire Blog regarding how the NHL attendance average has increased every January since 1987 and set a record this year for the highest average attendance ever.

Good news right? Well apparently not.

Many people launched into me saying that I am a propaganda machine for the NHL. Listen, I know negative sells, and I know these aren’t numbers that will land the NHL a billion dollar TV deal on ABC, but all I am doing is putting out news that the “Death of the NHL is greatly exaggerated.”

I am astounded how hockey “fans” constantly email me negative stories about the TV ratings for the All-Star Game and how the NHL is dying in Nashville or St. Louis. I am not saying that you aren’t entitled to your opinions. I am just of the belief that your opinion lacks perspective and supports my belief that the biggest problem facing our sport is more psychological in nature than economic.

The problem is really painfully simple. The NHL will NEVER be as HUGE as the NFL or MLB down here and the sooner we stop comparing ourselves to them the sooner we will be free of this inferiority complex. It is futile to judge ourselves against them when it comes to TV ratings or corporate sponsorships.

And guess what? We don’t NEED to be like them to be solid and it is actually quite regressive to believe that the NHL needs such a widespread acceptance is even necessary. It is OK (for now) to be a growing, $2+BILLION Annual Revenue Business.

We live in a diversified society that loves all sorts of things and chooses all sorts of entertainment options. Cable TV stations, websites, magazines are all increasing in numbers and clawing for our down time! Even anonymous hockey bloggers (that are at least not claiming to be a moose) are practically begging us for a mere twenty bucks to chat with them! Most aren’t anywhere near $2 Billion businesses.

We are so conditioned to be jealous of others. We are told on TV to not accept anything but number 1. In fact it flies in the face of corporate America that would LOVE for us all to eat Wonder Bread, watch American Idol, and drink coke. Although many of us do what they want, many more of us do other things. Some buy organic Wheat Bread, listen to Coldplay, and drink Arizona Ginseng Iced Tea. And believe it or not there’s plenty of good money in Organic Bread, Coldplay, and Ginseng Tea. Corporate America is slow on hockey because it isn’t easily package and many of the current decision makers are getting up there. They look at us and say, “Come back to me when you are the NFL,” and we sit and wish we were the NFL.

Do you think Coldplay wishes they were Shania Twain? They SHOULD, based on the logic that so many in hockey are preaching. But they don’t. They realize that there are A LOT of people out there and you don’t need to do Shania Twain numbers to be considered legitimate or popular or a “success.” Coldplay is a success. They sell out the same hockey arenas that our boys sell out. They live fancy lives, and have fine things like our boys have.

Not everyone who loves Shania Twain likes Coldplay. However, if you went to a Coldplay concert you would get more people who would say they like Coldplay then would say they like Shania.

The Red Sox are HUGE in Boston, but if you go to a Bruins game and ask the fans in that arena to rank the sports they love, I bet the Bruins beat out the fabled Red Sox. Certainly not on random Tuesday in Boston Commons, but at The Fleet Center on a Saturday afternoon in February, they probably do.

So, when I post a positive article about attendance I am not a propaganda machine. I will take shots at the NHL if I feel it is merited, and in fact I will go so far as to blame them for the very problem that I have been belaboring in this very blog. To belabor it further….

The NHL has wanted to be the NFL for YEARS. And that thinking goes back to the days before cable and way, way before hockeybuzz. It stems from a time when there were no ESPNs or Vs..

A time when ABC’s Wide World of Sports was cool because watching obscure sports was unheard of. At that time, the other sports were killing on the three networks, and short of Peter Puck, the NHL never drew the numbers. Was that because the NHL wasn’t as “good?” Not at all. The reason was just simply the fact that the only team south of the Mason/Dixon Line was the Kings. The Atlanta Flames folded and there weren’t any if the 70 high school hockey teams playing ice hockey in Dallas.

The 3 US Networks were the only option for growth. The only national hockey news anyone could get was from “The Hockey News” or “Hockey Digest” asking us, “Who’s better? Tom Laidlaw or Brad McCrimmon?”

Anyway that was a loooong time ago….(no offense to Brad or Tom) and that thinking needs to go the way of twisting your Rabbit Ears to watch the Rangers on channel 11 on a console TV “IN COLOR!” or drawing straws to see who would get up to turn the dial 4 clicks to the next channel.

(MAN DO I SOUND OLD OR WHAT?)

The point is….ease up on the NHL a bit my friends. Now you can read hockey all day long on the internet, listen to hockey talk 24/7 on XM radio and watch hundreds of games on Center Ice. And many people go at hockey for all the changes saying that baseball hasn’t changed the rules in 100 years. (they only changed the balls and the playing surface) The NHL is changing the game to make it better given the new technologies.

Hockey and the NHL are already a success so mellow out and enjoy it. It is one thing to be frustrated by what you would tweak to make it even better, and it is another thing to sit around and wait for the funeral. $2+ Billion dollar businesses don’t die so fast. And technology is working in our favor here.”

Five years to life

I hate my cell phone. It’s a Motorola Razr V3c. I think the ‘c’ stands for crappy. Perhaps I am being too demanding, but I don’t feel it unreasonable for a cell phone in 2007 to perform functions available on a standard calculator for the last 30 years in less time then it would take to do the long division myself. Accessing the calculator on this thing if less efficient than carrying a slide-rule. (I really am too young to know what that is) Not that I really care about using the calculator and any of the other useless functions on the phone. I actually am that guy that uses the phone as a phone only. But if I want to access any menus, say to send a text message, or view a contact’s phone number, it takes three to four seconds just to get to a menu!

And god forbid if I want to pair it with my bluetooth headset, so as not to get arrested while driving and talking on a cell phone in the great State of New York. The option to turn it on is so cumbersome and distracting, you almost certainly have to turn it on before you begin driving. (If I had the psychic ability to predict when I would be receiving phone calls, I wouldn’t have to have a cell phone- I would already know what ever the person was calling me about). And please don’t even get me started on all the features that Verizon has crippled to protect me.

So I hate my cell phone. So much in fact, that I am considering committing insurance fraud.

I understand that this particular phone is no longer made. I assume because the general public has become aware that it is truly an awful product.

I have been paying a monthly charge of $4.99 for the last five years to “insure” my phone should anything catastrophic happen to it. I’ve yet to make a claim. Since I can’t access the calculator in my phone before next Tuesday, lets approximate that I have paid them $879.

This is how I will rationalize and justify it as I drop my shiny Razr V3c in the sink tomorrow. Electronic devices generally don’t like to be submerged in water, and I am assuming this will bring a quick death to the phone. It also will make me eligible for a replacement, because I have paid to have the phone insured for just such an accident.

Should I get caught and prosecuted for fraudulent claims, I am not all that concerned. OJ Simpson killed two people and he plays golf everyday now. A couple years in prison actually might do me some good anyway. You see I still have yet to decide on what I want to be when I grow up. Solitary confinement would give me an opportunity to settle on what I want to be in life (after I am done paying for being a criminal, of course).

So it’s settled. Insurance fraud it will be. All in the name of a new cell phone.

Fox is reporting it, so it must be true

 

    Listen, I’ll be the first to admit that I am somewhat of a Michael Vick apologist. The guy is an amazing athlete. He does things that no other player can do. He has the ability to take over an entire game with his feet, and I thought that his passing skills were always underrated. That being said, there is no way that Atlanta shouldn’t have him on the first plane to Oakland.

If this rumor is true (and I’m sure it’s not), then Al Davis is certifiably insane. Or is he? He would be getting rid of two headaches (Porter & Moss) and creating the biggest buzz of the NFL off-season. His team needs some publicity right now and what better way to create a shakeup in Oakland than Ron Mexico himself. He would put the Raiders back in the spotlight, and anyone would be an upgrade at QB over Aaron Brooks. The Raiders, notoriously cheap, would be able save a couple million by picking at 10 instead of 1^st. Plus, they take away the possibility for backlash for not picking Mel “Christ” Kiper’s number one guy. Really, the more you think about it, the less dumb it sounds.

As for Atlanta, I would probably consider cutting both Moss and Porter. Too much trouble and not enough production from both of those guys make them expendable. The number one overall pick certainly seems worth it for a QB that owner Arthur Blank doesn’t seem to be too enamored with anyway. So Al, just do it baby. Maybe you’re actually not more senile than Ralph Wilson after all.

How often should we be having sex?

I’ll be honest here. Most of the time. I will however not alert you when I am not being honest here. That will be the fun of it all for both of us really.

I’m doing this mostly as an alternative to pornography. I decided not too long ago, that I wouldn’t go blind from viewing pornography, nor from any of the activities generally associated with the viewing of pornography. No, it apparently is an old wives tale, another fraud perpetrated against the youth of America if you will. You won’t go blind, or grow hair in awful places, or be scolded by dead relatives. You will however end up with a very sore wanker. That being as it is, here you find me.

Originally I started exercising as a substitute to viewing candid thong pictures, hot cheerleaders, and drunken college party girls. My abs are quite firm now. The beer belly that once spilled over my unfortunate belt has gone into hiding faster than Michael Richards. Thus, I felt it necessary to take up another hobby. Don’t you worry, I still run 2 miles nearly every other day. But it doesn’t take that long, and I can be showered and free to pursue whatever it is I want within 30 minutes. So writing was a logical choice to liberate excess energy.

This is not to say that I don’t still have a strong desire to partake in some naughty photo viewing. Quite the contrary. But now I shall get my release in typing this drivel and hoping someone out there is entertained. (Even if it is just me in six months when I happen upon it while cleaning out my hard drive.) It’s strange really, I feel the same sort of shamefulness when I click ‘submit’. But there is less cleanup, and I’m a lot less tired.

A logical question that you may have if you take the time to actually consider my circumstance, is why don’t you have actual sex instead of just viewing pictures of beautiful girls being nasty with one another? I am still coming to terms with that answer. You see, after you have been with someone for a long period of time, apparently they decide that sex isn’t really all that much fun, and shouldn’t be had as nearly as frequently as you may think. And by nearly as frequently as you may think, I mean ever.

So here I am. And be rest assured every time you see this updated, it probably means I’m sweaty and a little short of breath. Having just returned from a two-mile jog no doubt. Just the way it should be for a twenty-something male in the prime of his sexual life. Wait. What??

My first post should be more compelling than this….(sigh)

So this is likely to be short lived, and rarely updated. But here goes anyway. This should be some fun. A creative outlet to keep me from going insane. An anonymous release if you will. I hope never to be found out, but honestly there is part of me that hopes I am discovered. Please check back infrequently for updates.